Sunday, February 10, 2013

Things Are Hard

When a teenager says something is hard, you should be expecting that it's not as big of a challenge as we make it out to be. I'm sure most people know that teenagers are over dramatic, though, so let's get this show on the road.

Once again, my future threatens to be the #1 cause of anxiety and worry in my life. I've applied to university and all the odds are in my favour in terms of acceptance, but like any other teen, my head is in the clouds, thinking of all the other opportunities I could pursue. I could just shut up and go to university right off the bat like your usual graduate, but I've been looking into things like nail tech school and fashion design. The nail tech route is actually realistic considering my family is supportive of me being a, for lack of a better term, spa lady. Fashion design, on the other hand, is something I haven't even practiced. Sure, I've sketched a couple designs and they're not bad. I'm good at that part, but I haven't used a sewing machine in a couple years and all I did with it back then was fail at making a little zippered pouch. Yeah, you can take sewing classes, learn how to do all that fancy work and all is fine and dandy - that is if I didn't live in this town. It isn't exactly the land of opportunity here, where "rig pig" is not an uncommon term in the least and sweat pants or flannel pyjama pants is popular movie or dinner attire.
Then there's photography, which I haven't actually even thought about. I know I've got talent in it, my family is also supportive in that, but let's be honest, careers in photography include things like: that one chick at the farmer's market who sells pictures of the flowers in her backyard, that one photographer who takes everyone's grad pictures, or that one with the overactive tumblr account. I guess my opinions might be biased because that's all I've ever seen here, but I assume that it's different in a bigger city.

I feel like I've typed this into so much detail that I actually stopped caring. So I guess the moral of the story is: really, it's not a big deal, you just like being dramatic. Which is fine, go and be dramatic, but friends will definitely get peeved if you do it too often. Trust me, I have one of those friends who has a new pointless drama every week and gets old, fast.

Thursday, December 6, 2012


How exactly does a person find their talent? I've read so many articles about people in fashion, music, acting, and it they talk about it as if were either an accident or some sort of epiphany. That's my problem. I know I'm capable of doing anything I want with my life, but were do I start? I like art and the body and the science that comes with it. Should I have found my talents when I was younger? You hear about all of these 12, 13, 14 year olds becoming huge actors, fashion designers, highly respected people in a society of adults. Do I start on Twitter? On here? In a world of hundreds, thousands, millions, billions of everything, everyone, everywhere, where is a person to start? How do you make your voice heard and your talents revealed when 7 billion other people are also fighting to be heard, recognized and appreciated. Just like you. No, I don't feel under appreciated, just a little unaccomplished. What do I have to do to be considered successful to others, and more importantly, to yourself? Sure, I can do some funky nail design that took so much creativity and time, but a couple compliments is all that can really get you. It's not like some person crucial to my success is going to see a picture of this and say "Hey, you've got something". Every other person I know is fighting feel like they're accomplishing something in their lives, and we all seem to be to busy doing this to realize each others efforts. We're all walking the same path, with different stepping stones. Even now, here I am, naive enough to think someone is reading this and maybe even appreciating it. No, that's not exactly how it works. One main aspect similar within successful people is popularity or their social accomplishments. With no one to read, hear, see, and comment on your work, there's really nothing to gain but personal achievement.

All of this is coming out because of what I'm seeing around me. Students applying for university, friends supporting their friends' larger than life dreams, others desperate, but not so clear in making their talents known. Senior year is when everyone shows off and puts their skills on display. Where do I fit? In each and every category. I dream of being in another country. Suddenly becoming extremely good at something. Having a hobby or talent that I'm known for and am passionate about. Going to university and learning about everything. Then there's the polar opposite, when I think I should just stay in this town and work at McDonalds. I guess dreaming is only natural. If you don't dream about all you could do and can do and settle for a mediocre goal, life could get dull and depressing quick. So, I'll continue to worry about my potential because one day, all of that worry will catch up and force me to do something extraordinary. Well, my version of extraordinary - not like painting some cathedral ceiling or making the world's biggest cookie.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

It's That Time of the Year

Christmas is coming up quick.
I'm still the baby of the family, so I don't think they expect me to do much, which is a problem for me. I honestly would love to do something and be able to contribute, but I would need some help with ideas, just like most people. You see, in my family, we draw names. This year, we buy the stocking stuffers for that chosen person while the parents get the couple big gifts.

I know, it's not supposed to be the meaning of Christmas, but we've been raised to put importance on getting gifts on Christ's birthday, so what can you do. It's ridiculous, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't like gifts. Trust me, I'm trying my best to be less of a consumer and more of a... Gotye.

Anyhoo, my mom told me she's already bought some gifts for the name I drew and I could pay her back for it. That's the problem: why am I even entered in the draw if I don't have any purpose? I'm not trying to sound hard-done-by or anything, but it is frustrating being the baby. According to my family, I can't order my own food, do dishes, leave my parents for more than a couple days, and I hide things under my bed and in my closet, like I did when I was 7.

I can redeem myself by getting creative with my friends' gifts, but then my family might get offended by the amount of effort put into their gifts and the lack of effort into my own family's gifts.

Well, I guess I should be happy that this is the only "stress" in my life at the moment. I get to sit in the background while the rumours swirl about slutty girls, bad breakups and relationship problems. Highschool is so weird.
Being a teenager is weird.
Life is weird.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Here I am, with a huge English project due on Thursday, eating a bag of ketchup chips to myself and refreshing my twitter feed every 2 minutes. That's just how it works when you're in high school I guess: homework just pushes you to be twice as lazy and twice as ignorant. I know exactly what will happen if I don't get started too: I'll take my time and pretend I don't care, then 9:00 will come around and I'll start panicking because I don't know where to start and would like to sleep by 10:00 (I'm not one for staying up late).

We all know how hard it is, though. There seems to be twice the opportunity for fun and distraction when you have something that needs to be done. I could clean my room, go outside with the dogs, eat everything in sight, or my favourite, lip sing in the mirror. I don't know why, but that mirror mixed with my variety of music traps me for tens of minutes. Even right now, I'm purposely trying to think of all the things I could do to avoid this project.

So, because I can't just stop this writing, I'll write down some motivation to get it done or just think of reasons to start it.
a) If you finish it tonight, you'll feel really good
b) You might be a step farther than the rest of the group, which also feels really good
c) If you don't finish, you will be up late and will be a mess tomorrow
d) It's really not that hard, you just have to sit there and type a little
e) In reality, you have a good 4 hours to finish
f) If you don't do this, your group will be beyond pissed
g) You can do this

And that should be enough to get me going. Wish me luck!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Let It Snow

So we got some snow over here in Canada, about 2 feet actually. I know there are plenty of things to do in the snow, but once I got outside in my huge overalls and winter jacket, I went blank. I had already put the effort into getting dressed for the weather, so I just headed for the deepest snow and did whatever came to mind. Turns out the only thing that came to mind after snow angels was to run as fast as I can in my 50 pound ski pants and then collapse when my legs got tired. I could only sit there until my dogs attacked me, then I got up and did the same thing over again. My only goal was to come back inside partially exhausted - I met my goal. A couple bowls of my mother's homemade chicken noodle soup, and my snow day is complete. Now, if I can get into town, I can make it even better by grabbing a friend and going tobogganing like 5 year olds. 

Everytime winter comes around, I think about every other winters I've experienced. I remember in grade 8, we got so much snow that I can't even describe it to you. I don't really remember last winter snow-wise, but we got a lot of rain that year and there was enough ice on the fields to go skating, so I did, right in my "backyard". Every winter is different and I'm surprised by it every time. People seem to think Canadians would are used to winter, and maybe it's just me, but I'm sure as hell not used to it yet. It's still cold, it's still messy, and there's still way more snow that I ever expect.

Here's some pictures from what I've seen the past few winters.
2009, hiding in the only corner without snow

Little Esmee as a puppy, also in 2009

A pretty sight in 2010

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


Nothing has been happening lately. Or things have been, and it all feels like no time has passed. I feel like I've been spending the last couple months just waiting for something, but I have no clue what I'm waiting for. Only a couple things pop up in my mind when I try to think of anything even slightly interesting enough to write about. So I guess I'll start there and see where this goes.

Halloween: I went to a grad party. There's been one nearly every second weekend, so it's not even a "treat" anymore, just something that happens and I have nothing better to do but to attend. I dressed as a pirate - the costume was 12 bucks at Wal-Mart with a whole in the armpit, I figured it worked.

I've been to about 4 or 5 dentist/orthodontist appointments lately. Basically, I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled out, when they thought I wouldn't have to because I had my molars pulled. So, next week, I get to take a nice artificial nap while they cut into my gums. Hurrah.

I took home a baby doll for a psychology project last week. It has a little computer that makes it cry and stuff at the times that are set into the thing. You have to either feed, burp, rock, or change its diaper and make sure you tend to those needs within 2 minutes or you get docked marks. Also, you have to make sure you support its head and be safe with it or you get docked for head support and rough handling. It was hell. The night after I returned it, I was still tense and paranoid that the thing was watching me while I slept. My hearing was a little sensitive for the next couple days, every noise making me panic. Thank goodness that's over with.

All in all, I've been spending my days making sure I pass my classes and attempt to socialize, because that's what grade 12's are supposed to do. So I've been friending people on Facebook, following on Twitter, and just making sure people know my name. That's actually been a bit of a problem. I think people know my face, but nobody seems to know my name. This is probably a good time to mention that Jane Sylvestre is not my name. I don't honestly think anyone I know would actually find this blog, but I would rather write without the risk of being found and judged. Having a blog isn't exactly the "coolest" thing I would want people to know about.

I'm having a hard time presenting my humour through these posts, not like how I do through Twitter. I thought it would be easy to show some personality, but I'm having a tough time. I'll try my darnedest next post.

Monday, October 29, 2012

A Little Bit About Jane

I'm not the most interesting person, but I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself.
-I am the youngest born into a family of 8 in a part of Canada that is not Toronto, Vancouver, or Montreal.
-I've been in French immersion since kindergarden, but I still have to work on my grammar in this last year of highschool.
-I used to live in town and now I live out of town with a variety of farm animals (including 3 labrador retrievers), but I wouldn't call myself a farm girl.
- I'm not some crazy hipster, but I do try and listen to different music rather that top 40's.
- My mother is the best cook, but nearly every recipe includes plenty of butter or whipping cream (it's a miracle we're not obese)
- My interests include a little bit of photography, nail art, the occasional clothing sketch and I don't mind a creative essay or two.
- I've done some traveling: Paris, Rome, Florence, Cuba, an Alaskan cruise and the typical L.A. trip.
- I like to read when I have a lot of free time, but most of the books I've read aren't very impressive, expect maybe Jane Eyre.
- I'm not a very tidy or organized person and I'm a pretty good procrastinator.
- I'm pretty terrible at sports, but I have been in cross country (which I'm pretty terrible at), although I do get pretty into floor hockey in gym class.
- I'm an aunt to one nephew, soon to another nephew/niece.
- I have weird phases when I get so obsessed with an actor/musician/movie/book. My obsession with Michael Fassbender and Andrew Garfield have fizzled, but when the Spiderman movie comes out on DVD, watch out.

Now that I might have disappointed you in how dull I might be, I can finish off this post.
I hope anyone who's reading this can relate to some of the things that shape me. Have a peachy day!